Why Do I Always Feel So Strangled?

*EDIT*: This s fiction; I forgot to put a notice up. I wrote a couple random one-pagers. Here's the first one.

I feel strangled by the world around me. I have these feelings, thoughts, emotions, within me.

They make me feel like I have unlimited potential.

The world is at my fingertips. Whatever I so choose as to include in my domain, is. But I do not seek power, nor glory. I seek neither fame, nor fortune (not for the sake of itself). I seek fulfillment.

I have been undergoing a transformation lately. I believe that I am taking myself to a new, better place to be. I still make mistakes. I know I always will. Sometimes I see the future, in my dreams. I see nothing eventful, nothing of importance.

Eating fast food with a friend. I laugh and a fry falls from my mouth. We both laugh harder. The sun shines on us, reflects off the windows, off the concrete. Off the linoleum table and plastic umbrella above us. It is so bright I squint until my eyes are pinpricks trapped behind a prison of eyelashes. I reflect, in this dream, and again in the future when it happens, that this is as good as it gets. I will experience no greater joy, than the mutual feeling of being completed together. I will experience joys as powerful as this. But none more so.

I am not sure if I am normal, or if I am extranormal. I do not use extraordinary. I cannot literally fly. I do not have supervision. I am human.

I wonder if everyone feels this way. I am told that it is so, a part of growing older. Hormones, chemicals pouring through my body. An artificial feeling. Is all of this Evolution's dictation, or am I the exception to the rule?

People tell me they feel the same way. What if they only wish that were true? What if I do not feel this way, but wish I felt the way I think I do? Why does it matter?

I am not deep, introspective. My thoughts are abstract. If I tried to logically answer all of them, in a straightforward way, I would lose my life. Live is meant to be lived, and answers are only to learned from experience. To try to answer them in any other way is useless, mental masturbation. True answers are only revealed through experience.

I greatly fear not accomplishing what I need to in life. I do not fear the work. I do not fear failure. I fear complete failure, where I don't give up, but I can't win. Sometimes, it doesn't matter how hard you try, how good you are.

I waste time here, making up excuses. I disgust myself.

I have these feelings, thoughts, emotions, within me.

They make me feel like I have unlimited potential.

Why do I still fear what may happen if I unbind myself?








Signing off,
Tiberius Jones